I’m a proud member of Christian Republicans Against the Poor (CRAP). We want to abolish Obamacare, Medicaid and food stamps.
Why? Because poor people vote for Democrats.
We’re already making it harder for poor people to vote. Following North Carolina’s lead, we’re enacting laws requiring photo IDs, we’re shortening the time for early voting, and we’re ending straight-ticket balloting. (We pretend our goal is to eliminate voter fraud, which is virtually nonexistent.)
We would like to impose a poll tax, but liberal courts would strike it down.
To win control of Congress and the presidency, we must deprive the poor of health care and food. Doing so will, to put it delicately, reduce their numbers.
If God had wanted the poor to survive, he would have given them money. Like all Christian fundamentalists, we believe in Darwin’s theory of evolution. We’re doing our part to ensure the survival of the fittest.
Yesterday a merry bunch of us were getting into our Ferraris outside a winery when a shoeless little girl approached us, begging for food. Gently but firmly, we explained that she must pull herself up by her bootstraps. We suggested she sell matches on a street corner.
We call it tough love.